By Dr. Jennifer Gordon
For parents and caregivers (i.e., those working with children or providing parenting support services) — understanding and using declarative language can be a powerful strategy.
Declarative language are observational statements or comments that express an opinion, fact, or explanation. They are different from imperative language which gives a command, instruction, or directly tells a child what to do. So why do we care about the difference? – Because declarative statements encourage children to look up and observe their environment and to notice the clues to determine what they need to do next. As such, these statements invite thinking, and facilitate social communication, perspective taking, and problem-solving skills. Declarative language can be a particularly helpful tool for children with social learning and executive functioning difficulties, and for those who show avoidance when faced with direct demands.
Declarative language and statements are helpful for children because it:
- Encourages “big picture thinking” and the ability to create multiple solutions to a problem, rather than focusing solely on details or one “right” answer.
- Develops problem-solving skills by inviting kids to notice information in their environment and develop their own plans of action, fostering independent thinking. It also leaves the door open for them to respond in their own unique way and to apply their own solutions to a problem.
- Develops Inner Voice: By offering observations and information rather than direct commands, declarative language encourages children to think for themselves and develop their own internal monologue for problem-solving. This “inner voice” is crucial for recalling past learning, making connections, and applying that knowledge to new situations, fostering independent thought and decision-making.
- Enhances Cooperation: Declarative language creates a less demanding environment, which can significantly improve a child’s emotional safety. When children feel safe and not constantly under pressure to respond or comply, they are more likely to cooperate and engage in interactions. This approach is particularly effective for children who tend to resist requests or exhibit fight, flight, or freeze responses when faced with direct demands.
- Promotes perspective-taking and social connection: Declarative statements provide a non-threatening window into another person’s thoughts and feelings. This helps children understand different viewpoints without feeling judged or pressured, which is a fundamental aspect of developing empathy and social skills. By understanding others’ perspectives, children can build stronger social connections and navigate complex social situations more effectively.
- Helps children “read the room” by directing their attention to important environmental and social cues, encouraging them to become active information gatherers.
- Supports Peaceful Transitions: For children who struggle with transitions, declarative language can be used to direct their attention to environmental cues, such as “I notice all the kids are at the table” instead of “go to the table for snack”.
Examples of Declarative Statements:
- “I’m wondering what we could try next” (rather than “You need to…”)
- “I see your shoes by the door. We leave in 2 minutes.” (rather than “Put your shoes on”)
- “I notice all the kids are starting to line up” (rather than “Go get in line”).
- “I’m remembering that you went first last game, so I’m wondering if it might be fair for your sister to start this time” (rather than “It’s not your turn to go first”).
- “Oh, I see your milk spilled…There is paper towel by the sink” (rather than: You need to clean it up).
Imperative language still has its place such as when safety issues are at play, or when concise and clear directives are necessary for establishing routines and boundaries. Shifting to more declarative statements outside of these moments, however, can offer significant benefits for child development as it fosters observation, critical thinking, and a deeper understanding of the world around them. By describing and commenting on their environment, caregivers can encourage kids to explore, question, and form their own conclusions, promoting a more active and engaged learning process.
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